jpoptosis

monday monkey lives for the weekend sir

2007-07-24T00:03:00.000-04:00

Today I saw a Maserati being towed on Champlain Street. It was so great.

correspondence

2007-07-21T11:00:00.000-04:00

Hello, my dear internets. Please excuse my absence as I have been recovering from the utterly pyrrhic experience that is the first year of law school.

Perhaps I'll be around more now.

memento mori

2006-12-02T09:29:00.000-05:00

Here's another good shot from Eire:

inventory

2006-12-01T22:10:00.000-05:00

My hard drive died on Monday. Fortunately I formed a binding matrimonial contract with a nerd a while back (score), so eventually he fixed it. But in the mean time, I have finals next week and aaaaaaaaaall of my notes were on that hard drive. My beloved WCL friends kept asking me why I wasn't freaking out about it. Answers:
1. Freaking out does not recover data.
2. Life is too fucking short.

By the way, I'm sad that winter is supposed to return tonight. The way the wind has been blowing it's clear that God is angry, so chances are it's going to be really cold tomorrow. Boo. As if the darkness isn't bad enough.

Anyway, as I was saying, once DH had recovered the majority of my data I decided to inventory my pictures. So I offer the following ocular buffet (mmm, ocular, glllllgh):

This is the cat my parents had since before I was born. I was around three when this picture was taken, but my parents tell me that the cat was in no way coerced into the box. I believe it because, after all, cats do some weird shit.

Here are a few of my favorite pictures from our trip to Ireland in June:

At first I was afraid of the L bus, but then I realized, we don't have those here... that means they just send new bus drivers out into the street without so much as a heads-up to pedestrians and other cars. As for the emo gas, well, that speaks for itself.

When we got back from Ireland, I went to a wedding in Maine, where this shot was snapped. I like to look at it and think of myself as a non vagina-flashing young socialite, posing for the paparazzi.

And somewhere in there my husband stuck a wine cork in his nose. (To be fair, I think
I might have done it first in one of the smartassy little moves that I use to get him to stop taking pictures of me.)

But still.

stop graham smithin'

2006-10-24T23:34:00.000-04:00

Brilliant musician, gracious wedding guest, and yamabushi of wit. There are many reasons to love Graham Smith.

Here's another.

the most effective form birth control

2006-10-15T16:42:00.000-04:00

My niece and nephew and their parents came to visit this weekend. They were our first proper houseguests since becoming homo-ners; and they came just in time.

Hubbs and I have always felt less than afraid of the omnipresent (if remote) threat of unplanned pregnancy. We both love kids and secretly can't wait to have one of our own. Obviously, with me in law school and us having negative zero money, right now is not an ideal time to start a family. Still, once in a while we joke about me "forgetting" to take a pill or two. Recently we've been joking about it more than usual. (Don't worry mom, that's when the babies came.)

Enter my niece and nephew. One thinks that screaming is a cure for tiredness and the other thinks that denying having to poop will make it not come out in your pants.

a true story about a drunken mexican

2006-10-03T21:55:00.000-04:00

Before law school I worked at community legal office filing wage claims for Mexican and Central American immigrant day laborers. I was convinced that one of our clients was a raging alcoholic. Every time I called this guy he sounded eyeball deep in a bottle of Jack. After struggling through a few phone calls with him, I started to really get concerned about the poor guy. He couldn't possibly lead a functional life if he was always this drunk. So one day I mentioned it to a coworker.

"Do you have trouble understanding X?"
"Yeah."
"Ok, I thought maybe it was just me."
"No, I don't think anyone in the office speaks Portuguese."

...Portuguese? Yeah, Portuguese.

It turned out that I couldn't understand this guy because HE WAS BRAZILIAN. I thought he was just a really drunk Mexican.

on being a misanthrope

2006-10-03T19:52:00.000-04:00

Sometimes I must go out into the world. I might always stay in if I could, but there are times when I have no choice. I must buy food, go to shows, and make other such essential outings from time to time.

I do not always want to see other people when I make these outings, but sometimes I have no choice about that either. Sometimes those people find me and stare at me with their beady eyes. Sometimes they think I'm not there; they weasel up and awkwardly attempt to talk to my husband even though he has said that he would rather they stick a fork in his eye than talk to him.

The world is a strange and frightening place.

stage one: denial

2006-09-04T09:44:00.000-04:00

I've been putting off the last episode of Six Feet Under for a few months now. After the Narm Incident I needed some time to recover. Not because I care that fucker is dead because I DON'T(!!!@@)-- but because it was a traumatic series of events and I needed some time to process everything that had happened.

Ok, that's kind of a lie.

The truth is: I'm afraid to watch the last episode. I don't want the show to end. If Six Feet Under was supposed to teach me how to let go, it didn't work. I can't let go. I don't want the Fishers to die and I don't want the show to be over. After the last episode everyone will be dead, and the show will be dead, and that means that someday I will be dead too. The walls are closing in and there's NOTHING I can do about it.

So I'm refusing to watch the last episode. If I don't watch it, the show can't end; there will always be one more episode.

profound thoughts

2006-08-27T23:26:00.000-04:00

The past month or so has brought some of the most "exciting" events of my life to date. Somehow, all this excitement has yielded little in the way of blogworthy annecdotes and insights.

The only insight I have to share at the moment is that my apricot sheesha doesn't taste as good as my apple sheesha and my Civil Procedure reading is kind of hard. I can only guess that this (the sheesha taste discrepancy) is the result of the brand name or the place of origin or the expiration date or some other such variable. Unfortunately the packaging is all in Arabic, so it's hard to say.

Also, I saw Graham and the Fake Accents at Galaxy Hut on Saturday.

junia tamarind

2006-08-08T17:34:00.000-04:00

I went to the MVA to change my name today. But by the time the lady asked me to sign the little screen I'd already forgotten about my new name. So the signature on my new license is my old name.

da mi basia mille

2006-08-06T17:29:00.000-04:00

If you're reading this you were probably at my wedding. (Thanks, by the way.) To say that dear husband and I are pleased with how things turned out would be the understatement of the year. I don't know if you had fun-- it seemed like people did-- but we had a bona fide fan-fucking-tastic time. Not to mention I got to MARRY the most fun, supportive, insightful, interesting, and generally marvelous human being I have ever met. I win! I'm fairly certain that I was Mahatma Gandhi in a former life, because that's the only way I could have built up enough positive karma to get such a sweet deal.

As if the wedding wasn't already the best thing that ever happened to me, I just got back from a honeymoon in Halifax , bitcheeeees. Dh and I sat on a private beach in Nova Scotia for a week; and when we didn't feel like walking 70 yards to said private beach, we could see the ocean from our king sized bed.

unemployment benefits

2006-07-20T18:37:00.000-04:00

I am currently enjoying the many benefits of being jobless. Yes indeed, last Friday marked the end of my paralegaling days. I'm not sad.

This week, most of my time has been consumed by unpacking, cleaning and attempting to organize Our new condominium apartment*, which is the most expensive and the most awesomest thing I have ever (sort-of-)owned. We've gone sans cable and (temporarily) sans TiVo, providing me with the opportunity to view otherwise unseen daytime network television, and better yet, daytime network commercials. Apparently there are quite a few companies willing to fix everything wrong in my life by purchasing my home for a fair price with absolutely no hidden costs or obligations! I can also get a title loan on my car; and all I have to do is shake hands with a pleasant-looking fellow while he stuffs my pockets full of cash.

In other news, we got our marriage license today. Yee-haw, I's git'n murried.

*Footnote:
As condos have become the villain du jour among many of my peers, I offer the following role playing exercise for housing rights dilettantes to use at home.

You: Oh ma gad! You're a sellout condo-owning biatch.

Me: Wow, you make an interesting and well argued point. I'm going to go sell my condo (in a brick 6-unit 1940s building) and buy a newly constructed suburban sfh and waste loads of energy heating and cooling it while driving 20 miles to and from work everyday.

You: I win! I am more righteous than you!

i's git'n murried

2006-07-04T18:17:00.000-04:00

Despite the shared imagery, this is not a statement about gay marriage.

save the date, originally uploaded by jpoptosis.

boarding school for the elderly

2006-07-03T13:16:00.000-04:00

In certain fundamental ways, institutional living is institutional living. College, boarding school, prison, summer camp: they all have the same food and the same rules. Reconstituted mashed potatoes, treacley liquid represented as "juice," curfews, mandatory meal times...

There's also a level of honesty in peer-to-peer interactions that is almost universally absent from other dialogues. No matter how close you are to your aunt, you don't speak to her the same way you speak to your cousin. It's a different cadence, different expectations, a different filter.

So, when a 93 year old woman rolls towards the back of the activity room, lines up next to a 98 year old woman, and they both giddily exclaim, "How are you doing, honey?!" and start talking about what they've done since lunch, they could just as easily be in 7th grade homeroom.

narm

2006-06-08T17:26:00.003-04:00

I hate you, Nate Fischer.

I hate you for cheating on Brenda-- not that I even like Brenda, because I don't-- but that's beside the point. I actually forgave you for all your assholery and emotional wanking. I actually believed you wanted to make it work with Brenda. I don't even LIKE Brenda! But you picked her-- knowing she was crazy and weird and selfish, you PICKED HER-- and then Little Miss Tragic Quaker comes along and you can't keep it in your goddamn pants for five minutes. Why can't you have one semi functional relationship in your entire stupid pointless depressing LIFE? Honestly! Stop marrying all these people if you're just going to CHEAT ON THEM AND DIE. "This wasn't planned"-- puleez, Nate; at least take responsibility for being an adulterous emotional fuckwit.

Why did you have to put a stain on my happiness? Why did you have to ruin love for the rest of us?

bachelorettepartywoohoooo

2006-06-05T13:25:00.000-04:00

elements required:

10 girls
1 absurdly delicious homemade brunch, w/ mimosas
18 holes of g v b minigolf
1 champagne-filled Nalgene
1 fabulous sushi dinner
martinis and manhattans for everyone
1 hookah
(lots) more champagne
2 Jumbo Slices
0 inflatable falli

Thank you, thank you, thank you, to all of my wonderful friends who made this weekend a resounding, martini-glass-shattering success. I can't remember the last time I had more fun.

another reminder of why i'm marrying him

2006-05-23T16:40:00.000-04:00

me: what the hell is wrong with people that would cause the limo company to have to include a vomit clause in the contract?

fh: I would guess that what's wrong with people is that they find it acceptable to drink their brains out, and then vomit in rented transportation.

birthday #24

2006-05-11T15:00:00.000-04:00

When I was 15 or so I went to an Hindi cultural festival to see a friend of mine dance. I walked around for a while, making stops to sample food, henna, and other fun stuff. One of the stops I made was to consult with a fortune teller. Actually, I'm not sure if she was exactly a fortune teller because I have no recollection of her making any "predictions" about my life. I do however remember her telling me that I was a person blessed with extraordinary luck. I wanted so badly to believe in the supernatural at that age, so I took this prophecy extremely seriously.

Yesterday I turned 24. As I stop at this landmark to inventory my life, I feel overwhelmingly lucky-- like holy-fucking-shit-is-this-really-my-life lucky. When you work your ass off for years, trying to make things in your life better and nothing changes, it's easy to lose faith.

( + ) = <3

2006-05-09T17:14:00.000-04:00

In other news, I heart all things parenthetical. Where would we be without the ability to stick tangential comments neatly into sentences, while leaving their gramatical structure intact? I'm also quite fond of brackets, but I'll leave that monologue for another day.

the neighborhood is changing

2006-05-09T17:01:00.000-04:00

Those who read jpoptosis before the apoptosis of jpoptosis (something which I may get around to explaining one of these days; then again, maybe not) might remember a charming woman who lived down the hall from me. I wrote about the morning when she bellowed down the hall, "CAN I HELP YOU??!! SINCE YOU LIKE TO STARE AT SOMEONE TWENTY-FOUR SEVEN!!" because, apparently, I was looking at her. A few weeks after that, she informed the empty hallway with indignity that she intended to "go down there and look those perpetrators in the face." I assumed that the perpetrators were Andrew and I (we were waiting for the elevator quietly)-- being the only other people in the hallway at the time.

I am disappointed to report that it has been months-- possibly even a full year-- since I've heard from our vociferous friend.

my kind of person

2006-04-30T01:23:00.000-04:00

I went down to Iota to see John Vanderslice tonight with the FH and Susan. The show was fantastic-- as expected. I'm really bad at describing exactly why and how music is good, so I'll say that shows like tonight's make me happy to be alive.

After the set I was looking for Susan, who had gone to pee (in case you were wondering). When I ran into her wandering around in front of the stage, JV happened to be right there. I'm extremely shy, particularly around people I admire. I also tend to get star-struck by musicians whose music I listen to regularly. So I'm not really a go-say-hi-to-the-band-after-the-show kinda girl. At all. Like, when I met TW Walsh at the Headphones show, I kind of gestured catatonically at the CD I wanted to buy and shoved twelve dollars in his face. I know this is kind of silly because musicians are just people and all of that. But they're people who are WAY cooler than I am.

I was just standing there holding a the copy of Cellar Door I'd just bought, staring at him. After several seconds I panicked, shoved the record in his face and asked him to sign it.

The conversation went approximately thusly:

me: John. Can I bother you for one second to sign my record?
jv: Of course! [gripping my shoulders] Wait. What's your name?
me: Gillian
jv: Gillian, [still holding my shoulders] you look like my kind of person.
me: I am your kind of person.

We talked about the University of Maryland, where we all went to school. How he loves playing in DC because he gets to sleep at his mom's house. We talked about Iota and the Blackcat (where he played in the fall). I said it was lame that more people didn't come to the show last fall. He said they're always surprised when anyone comes to their shows because there are so many great bands touring. (I said yeah, but none of them are coming to DC.) Susan and I told him how much we enjoyed the set. He thanked us profusely for coming. I asked if he remembered Adrian from Stanford. He did. We talked about Adrian and the pre-tour mini-tour he [JV, not Adrian] did last year. I reiterated my love for his music. He said thanks again (and again). Then he gave me a big hug.

I was totally holding it together. I took my record, said goodbye and walked calmly out of the bar. At which point, I collapsed into a fit of giggles.

I'm still giggling a little.

mxc irl

2006-04-27T10:42:00.000-04:00

No, this is not an editorial on recently rumored plans to launch an American version of Most eXtreme [elimination] Challenge. (Honestly though, what the hell is the point of that show without skinny Japanese people galloping around at full speed, grinning madly?)

No, I'm talking about Most eXtreme Life Challenge.

Experts agree that there are certain events which create catastrophic amounts of stress in a person's life– getting married, buying a house, moving, changing careers, and going back to school, to name a few. Well, I am about to face off with some sort of sadistic life-change trifecta of doom.

I'll see you on the other side.

we boggle

2006-03-27T10:46:00.000-05:00

Thanks to Andrew's discovery of WEBoggle I can no longer sit in front of a computer for more than 3 minutes without WEBoggling. I have to go-- a new game begins in 25 seconds!

WARNING: Clicking on the above link may result in prolonged inability to focus, acute antisocial behavior, and in serious cases, loss of employment.

does your GF growling about ur feat in the chamber?

2006-03-20T10:15:00.000-05:00

We're all familiar with the tired old "increa.se your me.mber" and "zo1oft x^nax prescrip1ions from c^nada". But we live in a global economy-- we don't have to be limited to the narrow visions of English-speakers trying to evade spam filters.

Like electronics, appliances, cars, shoes, (et cetera), it looks like the production of shady internet offers is moving to Asia. Thanks to global trade, I can now open my spam filter and find enticing subject lines like:

Does your GF growling at ur feat in the chamber.

If we check out this now, we will be delighted that we made.

I really want this as the clever plan to do.

This fine selection of time tickers is what we have to get.

the apoptosis of jpoptosis

2006-03-10T13:14:00.000-05:00

jpoptosis is on vacation until further notice